There's the people that say text anytime and then there are the people who actually mean it. I lay in bed tossing and turning tossing and turning unable to sleep. Reality is the nightmare..but will I be able to escape it if I close my eyes? People are wanting me to be stronger then I feel. I just don't know if I can Haley. I had thought it was going to be a closed casket funneral. I wasn't prepared to hear that it isn't going to be. A lot of members of the GTL are asking me to put things in your casket for them, and I just don't know if I am strong enough to keep up the composure to do so. I know it is just your physical body and your spirit is already free, but it is still hard to have that image in my head. I would rather just have the happy Haley one that I picture all of the time. People know how close of friends we are and they are still asking this of me..I know it is important for them to gain a sense of closure too. I really want to help our GP family find that new normal. I wouldn't say its closure..but if it helps them..I will just have to mentally prepare myself in order to help my family through this tough time. It still feels like I am in a zombie state at this point.I am finding it near impossible to fall asleep even though I am so exhausted to the point of delusion. I stayed up till 5 in the morning last night..and woke up at 10 feeling like I didn't even get any sleep at all. I tried to nap today, only to be awaken in a short amount of time. So the feeling for this third day..Tired. Tired of putting on a fake "I'm okay face".Tired due to sleep and emotions mixing. Tired of losing close friends to this stupid disease because there is no cure! Playing music constantly to drown out my distracting thoughts and I came across Carrie Underwood's song Temporary Home."Don't cry for me ..I'll see you all someday." I know its true and that you don't want us to cry because we will be reunited again someday. When I go to Mapelton this week, I wanted to make a special stop with the GTL girls at your track. Your favorite place to be. I wanted to be there with you the first time..I wanted us to run together. I will run for you when I get there though,I will always run for you. I am beginning to see more and more just how much we are like the sea glass you always talked about. You opened up my eyes into looking at life in a new way and I thank you for doing so. I am a much better person because of knowing you. Goodnight Honey Bunches of Oats <3 best="best" dearly="dearly" friend="friend" i="i" love="love" p="p" you="you">